Unlike a bunch of racist MAGA governors of deep red states, Washington state residents rejoiced Thursday in having a blue-state governor like Bob Ferguson who can celebrate Juneteenth despite having no intention of ending still-legal slave labor in prisons packed with a disproportionate number of black people.
“Is he going to end slave labor in prisons that the 13th Amendment still legally allows for unless a state passes a law specifically banning it? Hell no, but that’s not what counts,” said proud Washington Democrat Lisa Vendrick. “What matters is that he has comms staff that can come up with boiler plate language for a mediocre ‘Happy Juneteenth’ post that was probably scheduled by a social media manager a while ago so everyone on staff could enjoy the day off today. Do better, Texas.”
Although he’s fully hoping Juneteenth is never also a celebration of prison slave labor ending because that would piss off so many rich friends of his that profit from it, Gov. Ferguson wants everyone to know how much Juneteenth means to him.
“I supported legislation establishing Juneteenth as a state holiday very much because I love black people,” said Gov. Ferguson, who spent the day in Blaine talking about how much he supports workers rights unless that work is happening in a prison. “Hope everyone BBQs safely because we only pay Washington state prisoners risking their life to fight wildland fires $2 an hour and we’re on a tight budget this year.”
At press time, an incarcerated black man who hasn’t been able to afford an $8 tube of toothpaste from the prison commissary in weeks was instead celebrating the smell of wildfire smoke in the air.
