Bezos’ Balls reportedly went missing in Seattle today according to a poster being circulated online just a few hours after Amazon backed down on a threat to list the added cost from tariffs on customer purchases.
“They’re just gone,” said one astonished Amazon employee looking at the blank space they used to be at the company’s Denny Triangle headquarters. “I don’t even see a trace of them—it’s as if they were lopped right off or never even existed in the first place.”
According to an anonymous source, we and everyone else should “just relax and stop asking so many questions, capiche?”
“They’ve been taken care of, alright? Fuggedaboudit,” the source said as he bit into a cannoli. “If a birdie from the Amazon wants to sing, he should sing pretty like Ariana Grande, you know what I mean?”
At press time, Disney World was reportedly guarding its one Epcot Ball with its life.
