In response to multiple threats by the United States to turn Canada into the 51st state, Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney surprised Canadians and Washingtonians by declaring Washington Canada’s 11th Province.
“While Canadians continue to boycott the United States after multiple threats by Donald Trump to absorb our country like maple syrup on a pile of pancakes, I know British Columbia residents are desperate for a Trader Joe’s run to our new province of Canadian Washington to stock up on favorites like Perfectly Pickled Pups, Ketchup-flavored Seasoning, and Vegetarian Meatless Cheeseburger pizza,” Mark Carney told the CBC News. “That’s why effective immediately, Washington is officially Canada’s 11th province.”
The news was celebrated on both sides of the former border, especially in Seattle, where one resident was surprised to learn Washington used to be part of the United States.
“When I heard cheers and fireworks all over Capitol Hill, I set down my joint and went outside to see what all the fuss was aboot,” Nico Laurent told the Capitol Hill Blog. “When I learned people were celebrating because we are now part of Canada, I felt like such an idiot. I just assumed we were Canadian because we have legal weed, we love nature, and we care about our neighbors. Boy, do I feel like a loonie.”
At press time, north and southbound lanes of I-5 near Blaine were at a standstill. Washingtonians looked forward to free cancer treatment and complementary emergency appendectomies, while Canadians were eager to stock up on Trader Joe’s Dill Pickle Chips.
