Fire officials say the pillars of white smoke billowing out of City Hall is actually just steam shooting out of Seattle City Councilmember Rob Saka’s ears after being left alone thinking about traffic medians for too long.
“Oh no, I forgot I left him alone on the dais ruminating about all the unsafe left turns six-inch-tall traffic medians have blocked him from making—sorry I left him unattended,” said Councilmember Dan Strauss running into Chambers that had been turned into a steam room. “I just wanted to get him boiling a bit for some tea on his next unhinged $2 million request to remove a median instead of improving transportation safety for anyone, but totally forgot about him once I walked out of the room for a moment to cry about having to work with Sara Nelson.”
Crowds outside were disappointed the white smoke didn’t signify any impressive announcement from the city.
“I thought maybe the SuperSonics were back or, now that we’re Canada’s 11th Province, this is how new leaders are announced now or something,” said Downtown Seattle worker Amy Newell. “Come on, they’re not even going to announce a permanent SDOT Director? What a waste of stage effects.”
Later in the day, pillars of white smoke were reportedly rising out of City Hall again after someone left Councilmember Bob Kettle alone thinking about bicycles and Pike Place Market without cars for too long.
