A local raccoon was reportedly mortified today after realizing he accidentally took his Foragr date to rummage through a Cybertruck instead of a dumpster.
“I had been planning to take Griselda on a romantic moonlit date at the finest dumpster in town behind Canlis, but after we rummaged around for a few minutes all I found was a fake handicapped parking pass, a case of Prime, and a brochure for a Turkish hair transplant clinic,” said Rocco, burying his face in his little hands. “By the time I realized it was actually a Cybertruck, she made some excuse about her Grandma being at the vet with rabies, jumped into a Raccuber and took off. I hope she returns my calls so I can explain that I wasn’t trying to impress her with garbage from Mein Dumpf.”
Griselda was reportedly disgusted by her date’s restaurant choice.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t be seen in public rummaging through a Cybertruck—people are gonna think I’m one of those trad racoons that believe a woman’s place is in the burrow pumping out litters, or worse, a Razi,” said Griselda. “It’s bad enough Elon is ruining the country, but now he’s trashing my love life—and not even in the way that us Raccoons like!”
At press time, Rocco’s second chance with Griselda was going poorly after he accidentally gifted her bandit mask-ara from JD Vance’s makeup line.
