A man walking around Green Lake was aghast today when he had to remind a nearby woman that his “eyes are up here,” not down by his two bouncing chow chows.
“Hi, excuse me, miss, my eyes are up here, and I don’t appreciate you oggling my two perky pups like that,” said Charles Steiner, as the woman slid her sunglasses back up her nose. “Is that all I am to people like you—a walker of two prize showdogs? If you’d even bother to ask and see me as a fully dimensional human being you’d find an encyclopedic knowledge of Pokémon and Settlers of Catan, but no! You let your tongue fall out of your mouth like an unfurled fruit roll-up at my bronze twins.”
The woman, who did not want her name published out of embarrassment, said she was sorry.
“Look, I’ve just been too busy to get to the kennel club or the pound lately and clearly scrolling through bitches on Instagram before bed wasn’t doing it for me anymore, I apologize,” said the woman trying to not look at the man’s dynamic duo. “It’s not like I’m hovering around a doggie daycare or something, though—I’m not a monster. Anyway, um … so what are their names? You named ‘em right?”
At press time, the man had already decided that from now on he’s only going to Capitol Hill to walk The Girls.
