Mental health experts came together today to remind people overwhelmed by the constant barrage of chaotic political news that there’s nothing better for their nervous systems than to just stare blankly at a wall for a little bit.
“Our studies show that when you can no longer comprehend why so many stupid and cruel things are happening all at once that there’s nothing better for you than indefinitely disassociating from consciousness while catatonically facing a wall in front of you,” said psychiatrist Dr. Roy Heath. “You might think talking to someone about what’s going on will make it better, but the truth is that you’re only making other people need to stare at a wall blankly too, so it’s really best to just do that on your own and not mess up someone’s ignorant bliss like a selfish prick.”
Workplace mindfulness experts are recommending the practice as well.
“You might think that bringing up how national and local politics are affecting everyone on a personal level at work would help, but it really just brings down the vibe and the illusion that any of this work matters right now,” said HR expert Hannah White. “Just stare at the wall and get the TPS report in whenever you finally come to again, preferably by 4 p.m. per my last e-mail.”
At press time we zoned out too long to remember a witty way to finish this report.
