Today Amazon announced their commitment to offering a full-service shopping experience, which now includes stealing deliveries right off your porch themselves.
“Our business model has long ensured the steady decline of mom-and-pop retailers, and now we’re putting petty thieves out of business, too,” writes Amazon CEO Andy Jassy. “Customers who subscribe to our new Prime Suspect program will be able to have their orders Grinched-away by the very same drivers who brought them in the first place, so you know they’re in safe hands.”
Many customers say they are surprisingly okay with it.
“Half the time my order gets stolen anyway, so it might as well be Amazon that does it,” says regular shopper Simon Crawford. “I would hate for a person desperate enough to randomly steal boxes in broad daylight to reap a benefit that could go back to making the world’s largest online retailer richer.”
At press time, Amazon added that if you want to thank your Prime Delivery Driver/Prime Suspect for their service, you can just add a “thank you” to your review and Amazon will give its delivery workers a full minute to also steal packages delivered by other services as an extra Christmas bonus.
