As the new presidential administration and his allies aim to kill Diversity, Equity and Inclusion (DEI) programs across the country, today one heroic Pacific Northwest business leader said he’ll never stop championing DEI programs that help him hire people used to working harder for way shittier salaries.
“Someone has to stand up against this racist regime that aims to reduce the hiring of people so used to dealing with sexism and racism that they’re almost always willing to work twice as hard for way less money,” said Costco CEO Ron Vachris as he did his best to avoid the looming threat of 18,000 Costco workers going on strike this Friday. “In a country where the bar for CEO behavior is in hell, DEI programs offer CEOs like me easy and performative ways to seem like relative saints, not people raking in millions of dollars a year while most of our employees make less than $20 an hour.”
Vachris is far from alone, as many other local business leaders stand up for the virtues of hiring people who are almost the easiest to financially exploit.
“Here at Captivating Communications Agency, we only hire women because we believe in their strength, ingenuity, and also how much less likely it is that they’ll ever ask for what they’re truly worth,” said the agency’s owner Melvin Pluckey. “Here, you never have to worry about getting slapped on the ass because I’ll never take for granted how easy it is to pay someone who does the work of three employees $20k less a year than I know I should be.”
At press time, Gov. Bob Ferguson said he would also fight President Trump’s racist, anti-DEI rhetoric by making sure as many of the state’s wildfire firefighters are incarcerated black men making $2 an hour as possible.
