After spending all year diligently fattening them up on retroactive 23% raises plus bonuses, this month the majority of the Seattle City Council are proudly displaying their well-fed prize pigs at the Washington State Fair.
“They may not do much but lay around, sleep, and eat most of the day even when urgently called to respond,” said Councilmember Bob Kettle while giving several of them a good rub. “But what really matters at the end of the day is that they’re the plumpest in the state so they know how special they are, even if some of my piggies like Officer Kevin Dave here murdered a pedestrian on the job despite not only not having a Washington state driver’s license, but having their license in Arizona and job at the Tucson Police Department completely revoked. Can’t wait for him to get in his Power Wheels for the pig race to turn the competition into literal ground pork.”
Some farmers at the State Fair are questioning the well-being of the city council’s pigs, though.
“The City Council said they put the pigs on a diet, but these are the fattest, sweatiest, ugliest swine I’ve ever seen, and I grew up in Yakima,” warned dairy farmer Sheila Clarkson. “There’s no way they’re not overfeeding them. I tried to talk to them about taking better care of their animals, but they just kept telling me that ‘Blue Ribbons Matter!’”
When challenged about the budget the Council had to spend to bring the pigs to the Fair, Councilmember Kettle assured us that the transportation costs were quite low because “most of the pigs live down here in Pierce County already.”
