A groundbreaking report out today sent shockwaves throughout the will never learn their damn lesson community after it conclusively confirmed that chasing for approval from a total Capitol-D Dick is still a bad idea.
“We’re as stunned as you are that it’s still a bad idea to publicly fawn over a Dick who always looked and acted like all he needed to literally be The Penguin was a top hat and long cigarette bouncing at the corner of his sneering mouth,” said lead researcher Sarah Knight. “We are similarly astonished to report findings that ignoring advice from your most supportive besties who never liked him and tried to warn you about how much fucking with a conservative guy like that will ruin you turns out—in retrospect—to also be a pretty awful decision.”
Perhaps most disturbing was the discovery that believing you can change him and his buddies after you finally get his endorsement more often than not instead ends up with you becoming a Dick yourself.
“At first you think you’re going to be some sort of bringer of world peace, but before you know it you’re enabling the slaughter of as many civilians in the Middle East as he did,” Knight said. “People begin to not know who you even really are or why they should support you at all anymore if you’re going to choose to be as much a Dick as he is.”
At press time, the never-learn-their-lesson community was still in disbelief that the happy-looking fall photo shoot with the total Dick didn’t prevent everything from falling apart anyway.
