In a continual effort to remind the city that 1995 happened, today the Mariners announced that former pitcher Randy Johnson will be taking on the role of Moose for the foreseeable future.
“We thank Mortimer for his decades of service to the team as the Mariner Moose, but we just began to think that maybe having a mascot whose name literally means ‘dead sea’ and makes him sound like he’s a character from an Addams Family movie or something just isn’t the right vibe for us as any organization anymore and maybe even never was,” said Mariners owner John Stanton. “Anyway, with Dan Wilson and Edgar Martinez taking over the dugout, it seemed only logical to have the Bit Unit dancing on top of it—not to mention the old Moose’s contract was getting expensive …”
The move was announced at an early morning press conference in order to give the Hall of Famer time to feel out the costume.
“It’s a bit snug,” said the 6’10” Johnson, “But it still fits better than a Yankees jersey.”
Randy Johnson is expected to make his debut as Interim Mariner Moose and welcome back to Seattle turf at tonight’s T-Mobile Park game under a celebratory confetti of bird feathers.
