Today tragedy struck PAX West, the largest gaming convention on the West Coast, when a number of attendees were devoured by GameShark.
“I don’t know how to put it into words—all I can say is that it was rated M for Mature,” said Streamer Sebastian Ligma. “We were all having a good time checking out the booths when the GameShark just, like, started eating people. My boy Tomas was one of them and now it’s game over, permadeath, no continues. He was so young, I guess you could say he speedran life any%.”
Many attendees aren’t old enough to even remember the GameShark, which is believed to be an ancient device used by prehistoric gamers to help them beat Contra, but which is apparently an actual shark after all. One PAX West vendor has been searching for the mythical creature for years.
“I thought me eyes deceived me when I saw the vile fish bear down on them poor lads,” says Capt. Toni Falconi of Nintendo of America. “I been on his scent ever since he swallowed up Ecco the Dolphin, may God rest his fins. I followed him down to Rapture and all across the Sea of Thieves, and I reckon I’ll keep after that fish til I see Fiddler’s Green.”
Event organizers asked that in lieu of flowers for those who used their last 1-Up this weekend, people put F in the chat.
