A new poll of voters who still have landlines released today confirmed that your mother wishes you called as much as the DNC.
“Our poll shows that in major battleground states like Michigan, your mother is getting way more attention from Democratic National Committee robocalls than her own child who hasn’t called or even texted in at least a month,” said the poll’s lead researcher, your sister. “Unless we want another repeat of the 2016 all socks for Christmas fiasco, I really think you should at least give her a call.”
Poll respondents had plenty to say about why they wanted you to call as much as a DNC candidate who’s asking you to donate your hard-earned money on them despite already taking too much dough from war weapon manufacturers and Israel, the only foreign country that’s allowed to lobby in U.S. elections through AIPAC.
“Nancy Pelosi wasn’t too busy to text, and she’s Speaker of the House,” responded your mother to one of the pollster’s questions. When informed that Pelosi has not been Speaker since the 2022 midterm elections, your mother agreed but said “she’s still who I think of as Speaker just like how you’re always going to be my baby, no matter how big you get or how infrequently you call.”
Her phone then chimed with a new message from Amy Klobuchar who “reminds her of your 3rd grade teacher who she just ran into at the grocery store.”
Analysts are still attempting to understand the results from dads who simply responded “👍.”
