This morning a man many thought was a homophobe as he loudly protested a Pride Weekend drag brunch on Capitol Hill was reportedly actually just protesting brunch.
“As God as my witness, there is nothing unholier than having to leave my comfy bed on a lazy Sunday to not only put on pants but drop $100 on a meal,” said the angry man Will Roberts as he paced outside with a double-sided sign reading both “I Wanna Go Home” and “Brunch Is the Beelzebub” “I don’t care if it comes with a show and bottomless mimosas—I’ve got all the tied-up breakfast sausages, alcohol orange juice and RuPaul’s Drag Race I can binge at home.”
Asked why he needed to protest brunch instead of just not going to it, he said it’s because he’s of course not allowed to act like he doesn’t want to go whenever invited.
“If I say I don’t want to go, it’s gonna be a whole thing,” Roberts said. “It would be better for me and I think everyone who needs to just sleep in, relax and save money every weekend if brunch just didn’t exist, even if the outfits people where at both regular and drag brunches are absolutely stunning.”
At press time, the man’s wife seen tying herself to his outdoor gear to protest ever spending a vacation camping.
