With a vote on the rollback of the gig worker minimum wage bill expected as soon as next week, Uber is reportedly offering to leave a generous tip if Seattle City Council President Sara Nelson is able to deliver their agenda on time.
“Our new ‘Uber Politics’ app is so handy: You just put in an order for the legislation you want passed—I’m gonna order the ‘rollback the gig workers minimum wage,’ hold the ‘guarantees about removing retaliatory fees’—and it finds a local politician in your area willing to deliver your agenda,” said Uber CEO Dara Khosrowshahi, finalizing the order in the exclusive app. “I just hope that this ‘Sara N’ can get it done in time, or she won’t be getting this generous 15.5% tip. Well, the clocks ticking—if this legislation doesn’t get delivered on time, I’m afraid we’re gonna have to impose a Seattle Legislation Late Fee.”
Despite already spending millions on Drive Forward Seattle, an Uber-funded organization whose board is controlled by Uber corporate executives, the company decided to offer Nelson a little cherry on top to try to get the bill over the finish line.
“Look, I’m going as fast as I can trying to sneak this through without public comment, but I got held up delivering the Police Department’s retroactive raises,” said Nelson, waiting impatiently for the order to be ready. “I would have had some help, but Council Member Woo was told to recuse herself from the order by the Executive Director of Seattle Ethics and Elections, which is just ridiculous—if everyone on the council that has a financial interest in slashing pay for app-based workers has to recuse themself, then how are we expected to steamroll this bill through?”
Nelson was last seen frantically texting DoorDash to ask if instead of “gig worker minimum wage rollback,” they would still be ok with a substitution of “Party-Sized Bag of Cool Ranch Doritos.”
