After a stressful few days of being chased and mobbed by local paparazzi, today the North Bend Zebra is reportedly lying low in a rustic forest area retreat with Sasquatch until this all blows over.
“It’s been a lot, so it’s so cool of Sasquatch to invite me over not just to chill, but to also show me the ropes of becoming a new local forest legend, including how to stay blurry in photos so they’re never quite sure if they really saw you,” said Z in an exclusive interview with The Needling from his undisclosed location as he began a quick trot. “Am I a zebra or a gray donkey? You’ll never know if I keep moving because I’m fast and I don’t think you have any idea of how fast I really am. Come get some. I’m fast AF boiii! Whew!”
Although usually pretty anti-social and reserved, Sasquatch said it’s been his pleasure to give Z a place to crash and decompress for a bit until things blow over.
“I just don’t want him to make so many of the mistakes I did when I was a young cryptid who had just been discovered, you know, like always make sure you get a cut of the merchandise,” said Sasquatch. “I made that mistake in the 80s and now there’s bootleg Sasquatch gear all over—I lost a fortune on Sonics merchandising.”
At press time Sasquatch was regaling Zebra with how he built his bucolic forest retreat with hush money D.B. Cooper gave him after landing on him so he wouldn’t run and tell Twin Peaks Detective Dale Cooper.
