The Seattle Police Department was once again defunded today when the Seattle City Council approved a new union contract that only secured officers six-figure starting salaries and 23% retroactive raises that only go to 2021, not to the Denny party’s arrival in 1851.
“This is another slap in the face to officers who train for as much as five entire months to qualify for this job and sometimes even have to move from several states away after getting their driver’s license revoked like our pedestrian-killing pal Officer Kevin Dave here,” said Seattle Police Officers’ Guild President Mike Solan. “On top of the retroactive raise not going back to the year this city was founded, it’s only a 23% raise? Excuse me. where’s the other 77%? Until they find it, I think you’ll understand why officers who are only getting paid a measly $103,000-$400,000 a year aren’t showing up to calls and investigating anything – we just keep being defunded. I think I feel another paid sick-out coming on soon.”
City Council President Sara Nelson said she’d do anything for the boys in blue, but was foiled from giving them more by Councilmember Tammy Morales’s one vote against the contract being approved without a single public hearing or accountability measure added to it.
“My babies! I’m so sorry they woudn’t let me add more than $9.1 million to the city’s budget deficit—I’m sure there’s a few more local libraries and schools that can be closed to bridge the gap soon so we can also use tax dollars to buy each of you a house and a Cybertruck,” said Nelson, instructing an aide to bedazzle 1,500 sashes reading “Best Officer Ever.” “Don’t worry: We’re exploring ways to double or triple the city’s budget deficit as soon as possible by switching to private prison company-run jails so you can have fun incarcerating more people than ever.”
At press time, SPD was reportedly being even more defunded by the continued radical-left existence of any other taxpayer-funded public service except them including parks, libraries, public transit, bridges and especially sidewalks.
