A local landlord was left in disbelief today after one of the tenants had the nerve to complain about their missing front door.
“After all the windows I painted over for you, this is how you repay me? By complaining you don’t have a front door? Most people would kill to rent this exclusive boho-chic luxury apartment with an unobstructed hallway view,” said local landlord Lenny Larson from his fourth property in Montana. “I was going to let you pay for the craftsman bead curtains I ordered for you in installments over your next three rent payments, but now I have no choice but to raise your rent again. It’s a shame you made me do this.”
But as the unfinished repair requests continued to pile up, tenants of The Brickshaw Luxury Apartments were forced to deploy unconventional strategies to fix their maintenance woes.
“Luxury apartments my ass: I pay half my salary in rent and I’ve got an Amazon box fort for a front door like a kid at a slumber party,” said Pete Nelson, hanging his new bead curtain. “The building’s pipes froze last month, there’s a gap behind my radiator big enough for a raccoon to crawl through, and the elevator in our building broke six months ago—they just put up a sign that said ‘Take the stairs challenge to promote healthy living!’”
At press time, the radiator raccoons had moved to a dumpster down the street due to the Brickshaw Luxury Apartments’ inhospitable living conditions.
