In a text he sent tonight just to check in on how his former city lover was doing, former Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson told Seattle that Denver actually loves him so much that it’s paying him an NFL record $85 million to just like chill and amicably never play for the Broncos ever again.
“Yeah, I’m doing really well making history and being real well taken care of over here—I mean, $85 million? Now that’s real love. So, how are you doing?” Wilson asked from his basement couch. “I’ll admit sometimes I wonder what could have happened between us if you had just blown even half as much for an athlete who was both definitely not past his prime and too narcissistic to play well with others, but hey, it is what it is, right? The important thing is that everything worked out in the end for both of us … I miss us tho.”
After a brief “new number, who dis?” clarification, Seattle texted back that things were going pretty well with Geno and they were glad things are totally working out with Denver how he’d planned.
“Oh that’s great, that’s great – he doesn’t have a catch phrase though, does he? LOL,” Wilson texted. “Man, just imagine the catch phrases we could come up with together if we got back together—because you know if you let Russ cook a Dangerwich for you, you know I’ll let you ride it.”
At press time, Russell Wilson was blocked from scoring yet again with Seattle and sending a “u up?” text to Atlanta.
