Citing for the second weekend in a row some of its most arcane and outdated laws at Seattle gay bars, this weekend Washington state’s Liquor Control Board shut down historic lesbian bar Wildrose over what it’s calling repeated and rampant “lewd exposed ankle violations.”
“Look, just because no one’s enforced this literal Victorian rule that’s been left on the books since 1885 doesn’t mean you can act like you’re above the law,” said Chester Higgins, a Seattle Police Department officer who does local inspections for the Liquor Control Board. “You’re not special – you’re gonna have to wear inch-thick, wool socks in your Birkenstocks just like every other decent, upstanding citizen in this city. It also doesn’t mean that we’re selectively enforcing anything at queer establishments. Trust me: Thanks to our diligently public safety-focused work, Canlis regulars are just as scared of exposing their ankles as Hillary Clinton.”
Owner of Wildrose, the nation’s oldest lesbian bar, said she tried to get customers to comply as often as possible with the state’s strict bar dress codes despite their sharp contrast with Seattle laws that permit public nudity pretty much everywhere except bars.
“When you combine beers and queers, what can I say? Things just get kind of crazy in here sometimes,” said owner Chelsea Haddock. “Mardi Gras is coming up and I guess they wanted to get ahead of all the inevitable ankle flashing at our annual ‘You Ain’t Ready for All These Jellys Show.’”
At press time, SPD denied reports that sending 10 officers into the bar to photograph ankle violations as evidence was carried out just to nefariously upload and make money off the pictures and their own repressed sexual fetishes on wikiAnkle.
