Seattle Mayor Bruce Harrell embraced the Season of Giving and gave an early Christmas present to the city’s homeless population today by announcing that a gingerbread village would finally be solving the local housing crisis once and for all.
“A lot of people have been asking me how quickly we’ll be able to get more affordable housing available in Seattle in the New Year and I’ve got some incredible news: It’s already here in Sheraton Grand lobby’s Gingerbread Village—right in Downtown too!” said Mayor Harrell, pointing to an array of decadent child-handmade homes. “And this is the highest-quality affordable housing we’ve built to date—nothing can break down royal icing. Except rain, which may be an issue when the hotel wants to move this village out to forest somewhere outside the lobby, but I have a good feeling about this. It even doubles as food if one of our homeless neighbors is hungry. Just, I cannot emphasize this enough, do not try to eat the royal icing because there’s still no one covering anyone’s dental care in this country.”
Local housing advocates confessed they were looking forward to an affordable housing plan that was a little more expansive than a village made of cookies and frosting.
“They look very decadent and made with a lot of love from whichever elementary school students made them, but we thought maybe real housing would be made available,” said housing advocate Stan Miller. “We just passed a big affordable housing levy earlier this year, so I think we’re gonna still keep pushing for more than a small village of graham cracker and candy huts.”
At press time, housing advocates were also seeking more information from the Mayor to make sure that the gingerbread village isn’t being managed by a witch who butters people up before eating them.
