With rent due in just a few days, local ceasefire advocates say their empathy is running thin for thousands of children dying in the most gruesome and heartbreaking ways imaginable right before their eyes on social media as their payments for supporting Palestine from Russia and China have been delayed once again.
“Look, I’d love to keep trying to put a stop to tens of thousands of innocent people being bombed to pieces and end the starvation of children sleeping every night in underwater tents during the winter like I have for almost four month straight now—but mama’s got rent on a one-bedroom apartment and a Netflix bill that ain’t gonna pay for themselves, you know what I’m saying? Gde moi den’gi? ” said local Cassie Cooper. “I’m sorry, but let’s get real like Rep. Nancy Pelosi did on CNN this weekend: The only way people can genuinely care about stopping an atrocity is if they’re getting paid to do it. People don’t just witness video after video of children picking up the body parts of their own siblings and want to stop that sort of thing all on their own for free. So, anyway, if you want these protests to continue into February, the month of love, better hop to our Venmos stat, Russia and China.”
Sources from Russia and China say they meant to keep the payments coming on time, but didn’t expect so many millions across the world would try to get their own piece of the sweet pro-Palestine pie.
“Hey, we owe Ireland alone like 100 billion Euro, so could you just give us a second?” said a source who works directly with Vladmir Putin. “Don’t worry – someone straight from the China headquarters should be sending you a payment shortly. Is it okay if this month’s payment is all in Shein gift cards, though? Please, just this month!”
At press time, increasing evidence that you can also get paid for supporting a ceasefire in Palestine almost lured Pelosi to consider supporting it herself until AIPAC won her back with another $600,000.
