Upon seeing a naked man in all his glory for the first time after a local New Year’s Day Polar Plunge today, one area geoduck says he’s just wondering how that guy breathes through that little, shriveled-up thing.
“Or—forget breathing – how do you even swim, squirt or scurry through sand with that thing either? It’s so small it looks like it’s about to burrow itself so far inside the dude’s body you can barely even see it,” said local geoduck, Squirt Wilson. “But, hey, he somehow made it out of the water alive, so the little thing must be mightier than I can imagine. It just doesn’t seem very big, especially in proportion to his entire size—like, if he’s at least five times as tall as I am, how is my siphon at least five times as big as his?”
A nearby razor clam came to the human man’s defense though.
“Hey, we can’t all be showers, Squirt,” said razor clam Rizz Zuko. “Some of us can do plenty in this world—some of us even more—without lugging around some Clydesdale-size firehose of a breathing and eating tube everywhere we go. Too bad you couldn’t figure that out on your own, but I guess you’re just too slow for the razor-sharp wit it takes to know.”
At press time, a nearby sand clam informed the geoduck that the man’s thing is usually bigger than that, it’s just having a type of asthma attack called shrinkage.
