Mere minutes into the highly anticipated re-opening of Seattle’s Cinerama featuring the just-released Wonka, one troubled theatergoer ran to the bathroom and reported she doesn’t know whether the chocolate popcorn or the Timothée Chalamet performance was inducing the vomit.
“I stood in line for miles and months to get some of this coveted Cinerama chocolate popcorn everyone raves about, which felt worth it as we got closer to the smell of it wafting in the air from the concession stand,” said Lisa Wagoner between dry heaves as we held her hair back prepared for the worst to happen. “But just a few handfuls into the bag, Chalamet started singing and I felt my stomach twist—I really couldn’t tell if it’s because the combination of chocolate and popcorn is too much of a gluttonous sin to behold or because it’s always inevitably nauseating watching anyone try to be as great a Wonka as Gene Wilder.”
King County Public Health food inspectors are investigating the trough of crispy chocolate gold to see if there’s anything unsafe about consuming the theater’s signature snack, but confessed they believe the vomit was much more likely caused by Chalamet.
“Seeing someone take the lead in a big-budget musical movie when they don’t have any musical talent, or acting range for that matter, is known to make a lot of people sick,” said Public Health inspector Shane Willis. “Having any musical talent or artistic taste in general can make people especially prone to these types of illnesses. The good news is that it should subside as soon as they get home from the theater and put on something actually worth watching like Past Lives.”
At press time, it seemed more conclusive that the Chalamet performance was causing the nausea as even those who only bought $18 Red Vines also started running to the bathroom.
