A report released today by self-described real experts on the Middle East concluded that you’re gonna need a literal PhD in Middle Eastern Studies if you even want to begin publicly talking about ending a genocide against thousands of innocent people.
“Oh, so you think you’re an expert on this just because you’ve been sobbing over videos of families looking at the dead and mutilated bodies of babies, children, parents, doctors, and thousands of other Palestinian civilians—noob to the Nakba much?” said Sarah Schumer, local actual expert on the Levant, with an eyebrow-raise. “Who do you think you are talking about a ceasefire when you’ve haven’t even capped years of study with a doctoral thesis and presentation about the full extent of atrocities Zionists have visited on Palestinians for the last 75 years? Right now, do you really have any business preventing the deaths of thousands of people if you don’t even know Israel slaughtered 15,000 Palestinians in 1948 alone and then made it illegal to talk about to this day? Didn’t think so. So, yeah, until then maybe just let the State of Israel senselessly kill whoever they want.”
Schumer went on to talk about how all these sudden experts on the Middle East don’t even know the modern history and culture of the place.
“It’s like you don’t even know what a theocratic ethno-state or apartheid is yet,’” Schumer said, shaking her head. “Or that the United States—where there is no guaranteed healthcare—has been giving at least $3 billion dollars in aid to Israel—which does have universal healthcare—annually for years. I just don’t understand how one gets off protesting right-wing Zionists’ free rein to kill as many Palestinians as possible when you haven’t even academically researched enough to know this whole situation is a thousands times more fucked up than you can even imagine right now.”
Asked where she got her degree in Middle Eastern history, Schumer said she got it from listening to her uncle.
