After a few tense and awkward weeks of wondering how much new trolls moving into areas outside Seattle proper were going to expect a visit, a relieved Fremont Troll announced today that the new trolls are pretty chill because they already totally get they will always be visiting him, not the other way around – ever.
“Usually, you never know how long you’re gonna have to make up these polite, creative excuses for why you’re never going to make it out to their place outside the city, which might as well be in Kansas, right?” said Fremont Troll, lounging in his tight, $5,000 per-square-inch per month hovel under the Aurora Bridge with no parking nearby. “But apparently these guys are picking up on local culture pretty fast because so far they’ve only asked me when I’m free and when they can come to Fremont to hang out – not even one lame housewarming invite so far. It’s so nice they already understand that living outside the city means they’re lucky to even know a bigshot cityslicker like me.”
Buoy, the Fremont Troll’s nephew and Kraken hockey team’s mascot, said he’s happy for the affable new trolls in the area, especially because it took him a bit longer after he moved to the area last fall to make the same realization.
“Yeah, I mean, I literally live just across the bridge from my uncle in Queen Anne and he won’t even visit me here, but it’s fine – it’s totally fine,” said Buoy, rubbing his neck with a slight twitch in his eye. “I’m a happy, go-lucky dude who totally didn’t need to be welcomed with any love and support when I first got here–and now I’m totally fine, especially because when I visit Uncle Fremont Troll at his place he’ll even let me be seen with him for more than 10 seconds before flicking me into Lake Union now. It’s never anything personal—that’s what I keep being told.”
At press time, the Fremont Troll asked us not to tell the other trolls, especially not Buoy, that when another new troll moves to Ballard later this month though he’ll probably visit and hang out with them all the time.
