Loved ones wiped away happy tears this morning as Seattle resident Tim Gilman cast aside his waterproof North Face hoodie and zipped on a new Arcteryx jacket.
“Artax gear is outfitted with all of alpine technology’s latest features to keep Mother Nature from ever swamping you,” said Gilman standing proudly in new Gore Tex with a helmet-compatible StormHood. “I look forward to it helping me reach my personal peak by sweating in it like a mobile sauna every day I wear it to work and not much place else.”
After a short argument about how to properly pronounce the brand’s name, Gilman’s mother gushed about her son’s bright future.
“When he acts like he’ll ever wear that jacket to climb Mount Rainier, his acquaintances and Tinder dates might actually be dumb enough to believe him,” said Marie Gilman, barely maintaining her composure. “I’m so proud.”
By midday, at least one female coworker found it conceivable that Gilman would test the full capability of the jacket beyond the walk between his sparkling 4WD and the office door. A male colleague who corrected Gilman’s pronunciation of the brand as “Arc-rec-tyx” will be left out of team e-mails for the next month.
