Despite losing the spark for each other and subsequently much of life itself years ago, local child-free couple Jared and Alicia Hodges said today they remain resolute in their self-sacrificial decision to stick it out for the dogs.
“We just think every dog deserves a two-fur-parent home, no matter how miserable, passive aggressive and ready to blow over the most minor inconvenience those two fur-parents become—we’re good people like that,” said Alicia, attempting to get one of their two small schnauzers to sit cutely on her lap for the interview before it ran off. “I destroyed my whole life for you, and this is the thanks I get, Waddles?! If you think you’re getting a puppuccino without sitting pretty for an Instagram post right now, you’ve got another thing coming, mister!”
Asked if she’s worried people will notice the palpable chill in the air anyone’s physically around both of them at the same time, Alicia said she’s not worried.
“We all did a professional fall photo shoot together this weekend, so that should buy us at least another year of people not asking us if we’re alright—at minimum, through the holidays. He’s also almost never around, so that helps,” Alicia said. “I want us to stay married for these two lovely pups of ours. But, the bigger question is, would I want this kind of marriage for my pups? The one we’re modeling for them right now? You’re damn right I do – if I can’t escape this hellish martyrdom of what should be the best years of my life, I’ll be damned if anyone else in my presence does including my own fur babies.”
At press time, word that Waddles had already accidentally impregnated a neighbor’s dog had Alicia running around making arrangements for their immediate wedding and hoping she doesn’t have to stick it out for the grand-fur-children too.
