Today OpenAI announced its latest unprecedented advancement in artificial intelligence technology with the unveiling of ChatPNW, the first AI tool capable of passive aggression.
“To say that artfully telling people to fuck off and die all while maintaining the façade of being a nice person just got easier is an understatement,” said OpenAI CEO Sam Altman. “No longer do you have to grow up in the Pacific Northwest to expertly say or write something in such a constipated, conflict-avoidant communication style that it leaves all mortal enemies perpetually drowning in a thick stew of unresolved tension that slowly but surely drains them of all life force. Today, with ChatPNW, everyone across the globe has the power to write the perfect ‘circling back’ email.”
Though the technology is promising and is expected to only exponentially improve by leaps and bounds in the coming months, some early adopters say they’re having difficulty getting ChatPNW to supply guidance on the perfect passive aggressive messages for emails to coworkers and car notes for neighbors.
“I asked it to write a note I could leave on a coworker’s desk after I’m pretty sure he stole my Capri Sun out of the breakroom refrigerator yesterday, but all it did was say ‘Yeah, sure, I’ll do it tomorrow’ and then signed off,” said Joey Smits, local software engineer and New York transplant. “It wouldn’t even help me decode a text I got last night from my mom. What did I do? Am I doing something wrong? WHY WON’T IT JUST TELL ME?!”
At press time, OpenAI said its engineers will look into how to resolve those issues as soon as ChatPNW decides to finally stop giving them the silent treatment, the cause of which they will dutifully spend several sleepless nights in the meantime trying to figure out as well.
