Green Jacket Lady from Fox News Interview surged in Seattle mayoral polls today, already taking a gigantic 25-point lead ahead of current Seattle Mayor Bruce Harrell.
“A sensible green rain-jacket and mocking Fox reporters so well even they seem to realize how ridiculous they are is what this city—nay, the world—needs,” said new Green Jacket Party member Jill Beasely about why she’s voting for someone she didn’t even know about until 24 hours ago. “I don’t even know her name or if she’s filed yet, but I will literally go door to door right now to find her and make her do it because I don’t think this city can take another year of Bruce Harrell asking for that expensive, glorified NextDoor ‘gun-shot-spotter.’ Or the pizza parties for every day a cop doesn’t kill someone. I would actually vote for almost anyone else, but I would especially like to vote for Green Jacket Lady to kindly and effectively troll conservative media and Republican City Attorney Ann Davison, please.”
Although Green Jacket Lady has apparently not launched a campaign website yet either, thousands of supporters say they like her platform of laughing at people who feel they’re the primary victim in the most danger when witnessing people suffer from homelessness, mental illness and addiction.
“Main things I like about her platform are the laughing, rolling of eyes, and silly impressions when she hears something that isn’t true and completely lacks empathy, because I really don’t know what else there is to do or say anymore when it comes to people who don’t even live here calling my beautiful city a hellscape,” said Matt Rawley. “I really think this is going to be a step up from one mayor after another who’s tried to act like sweeping people without shelter from neighborhood to neighborhood does anything but harm. Can’t wait for her to join the Sound Transit Board and roll her eyes at everyone on it except Claudia Balducci.”
Although no one knows what her name is or where she lives yet, her biggest supporters are hoping she reappears soon in front of a Ballard or U-District Target to make a speech about how people who believe the stores are really closing due to “safety concerns” are a bunch of “silly gooses.”
