Leading scientists concluded in a study released today that splurging for a Brown Bear tri-color foam car wash is an effective alternative to getting high.
“I only had 15 minutes between leaving work and picking up my kids from school, but really needed a hit of something keep feeling alive. That’s hard to do since my kids would rat me out to their father if I smoke a joint again, so Brown Bear came to the rescue,” said 32-year-old mother Moly Traverson. “The tri-color foam car wash crashed over me in waves and took me to another dimension, at least until the dryers came on and the trip-sitter car behind me starts furiously honking for me to leave the car wash.”
Most research participants indicated they weren’t even aware if their cars were dirty when opting for the tri-color foam wash, including 41-year-old Barry Johnson when we asked him.
“What? Oh right, people can come here to get their cars cleaned. I usually roll up a few times a month when I don’t have time to commit to a Pioneer Square gummy, hit that tri-color foam button, throw my Prius in neutral, and let Brown Bear take the wheel,” said Johnson. “When I see those bright lights flash behind the good lil bubbles, that’s definitely my favorite part of the trip.”
In light of the new research, Brown Bear is reportedly testing a monthly Wash-and-Bake membership where they’ll let you sit in the tri-color foam section for up to 30 minutes if you bring some primo bud and munchies to share with employees.
