A “Take a Piece, Leave a Piece” promotion at Seattle’s Gum Wall that failed to specify which gum tourists were supposed to take has left at least 12 hospitalized today with illnesses ranging from double bubble trouble to being pregnant with the next Rosemary’s baby.
“No, stop – you were supposed to take a piece of new gum from the gumball machine, not chew a piece straight from the wall!” shouted promotion organizer Isaac Harrison, knocking a piece of pre-chewed Doublemint out of a man’s mouth. “Call an ambulance, this guy is turning spearmint green and beginning to split into 80s double-mint twins! Oh, the gum-anity!”
The promotion, which was supposed to increase tourism to the colorful mastication attraction, was quickly canceled after first responders arrived at the scene.
“I’ve never seen anything like this—Hubba Bubba tongue, Big Red rash, and one guy even somehow has symptoms that can only come from an Australian box jellyfish sting,” said emergency first responder Sandra Ruiz. “We haven’t seen this many hospitalizations after a promotion since the ‘Eat a Bag of Dick’s’ day went horribly wrong.”
Doctors say the tourists’ prognosis remains currently unknown as many hope they fare better than Andrew Yang, who’s still hospitalized at Harborview ever since he attempted kicking off a run for Seattle mayor and impressing locals by licking the entire wall.
