Chaos erupted at T-Mobile Park tonight, postponing the Mariners’ sold-out ‘Bark at the Park’ game, after a flurry of furry four-legged friends rushed the field to chase after the baseball.
“I don’t know how we didn’t see this coming—balls being thrown around, guys waving big sticks, the smell of hot dogs in the air—this whole place was a powder keg and we just lit the fuse,” said Mariners Marketing Manager Brianna Scott. “Before we could react, the dogs had breached the fences and the entire Oakland Athletics infield was washed away in a flood of Doodles. Honestly, I can’t be that mad, it’s really a testament to these good boys and girls that they lasted three whole innings before raiding the field.”
But as the grounds crew tried to rake up the piles of dog hair littering the outfield, one employee noticed evidence that the adorable canine takeover might have been an inside job by Tucker the Mariners pup.
“There was a suspicious set of muddy paw prints that led to an unlocked outfield gate that only locks from the inside,” said Head of Security Martin Ishimura, inspecting a pool of slobber on the latch. “The vendors are all reporting that the Lil Woodys, Holy Smoke BBQ and Kidd Valley stands were hit at the same time by highly organized packs of Huskies. We suspect Tucker has been meticulously planning to use Bark at the Park to cover his heist for months—but just look at that face, you can’t stay mad at that little guy.”
Meanwhile, at Climate Pledge Arena, the Seattle Storm’s ‘Neigh at the WNBA’ event went about as poorly as you’d expect.
