Thousands of lucky Ballard Syttende Mai parade attendees today were tossed a variety of Norwegian delicacies including free lutefisk, healthcare, college, paid parental and sick leave.
“Oh, free lutefisk, cool, thanks—do you guys by chance have any more of the free freedom from a lifetime of student and medial loan debt?” said 18-year-old Ashley Bedford who was then promptly thrown and T-shirt and college acceptance letter to a tuition-free education at the University of Oslo. “Awesome! Thank you! Love the free t-shirt and lifetime healthcare accessories. Gratulerer med dagen!”
While people cheered on colorful demonstrations of Norwegian culture and heritage through food, song and dance, many agreed the free life-saving and life-giving social benefits stole the show.
“Although I really, really appreciated the free gelatinous lutefisk and smalahove women in their traditional bunad dresses were kind enough to toss out to us like candy during the parade, I gotta say my favorite free thing they were giving out was the free paid parental leave,” said pregnant parade attendee Whitney Garcia. “It’s just kind of nice to know that after I have my baby, I not only won’t have to immediately fork over half my salary to pay for their daycare, but I’ll actually get an entire year of paid leave I can either split with my husband or have all to myself. But, yes, I also tried lutefisk and it is also very interesting and intriguing, thank you for sharing.”
At press time, Ballard’s Syttende Mai parade organizers reported that at the Leif Erickson Lodge and National Nordic Museum, there’s still plenty of free leftover lutefisk, fårikål, kjøttkaker, pinnekjøtt and delicious tilslørte bondepiker if anyone wants any.
