An Eastern Washington man who took to social media today to bravely announce that he would “never live in that hellhole city” confused thousands when they realized that he already lives in Moses Lake.
“I can’t imagine living in such ungodly hellfire,” said Jed Jarvis, apparently unaware he already lives in one of the most routinely, literally on-fire places in Washington state. “Can you imagine living somewhere you can’t fly Confederate flags, say you voted for Trump, or admit you think JFK Jr. is still alive without everyone making such a big deal about it?”
Before a wellness check could be done on Jarvis to make sure he had enough of his wits left to understand where he already resides is already in Beelzebub’s nether regions, his online rants against the hellhole city continued.
“Personally, I want to live in a place where they actually do something about crime and drug use,” Jarvis said, again seemingly completely unaware he already lives in a community with one of the highest crime and drug use rates in the nation, even compared to nearby large cities like Seattle. “My favorite is when the air quality gets so bad from local wildfire smoke here at home all stupid hellhole people from that hellhole city stay away just the way I like it!”
At press time, strangers online who initially thought about rescuing the poor old man from being in a hellhole city eventually agreed it was probably best to just leave him where he is.
