In a shocking turn of events today, hundreds of people reported witnessing that at least one Capitol Hill hipster wearing a denim romper actually does know how to change a flat tire.
“I couldn’t believe my eyes—I kinda just thought people who wore those things were just rich fashionistas cosplaying as working-class people with any manual labor skills at all, but boy was I wrong,” said witness Hank Baird as he watched the hipster change someone’s tire on Pike while rocking the Tuscany-olive one-piece. “He even had enough tools and wheel weights in his leather satchel to balance the car’s tires while he was at it. What’s next? Someone wearing flannel in this neighborhood actually knowing how to work with literal wood?”
Many are speculating that the hipster is the first person wearing a romper to take part in any manual labor in decades.
“The last recorded account of this happening was sometime at the turn of the 20th century when someone wearing a denim Dickies romper left a rave in Tacoma with the magical mechanical power to change tires on a friend’s car,” said local historian Benjamin Briggs. “They had to peel him away from sucking on the exhaust pipe like it was a pacifier a few times before he was done, but on that historic day, he did in fact prove himself to be a Prodigy-loving tire-changing prodigy.”
Although the hipster is reportedly brave enough to change any tire or oil filter that matter anywhere in his romper, sources confirm that, just like anyone else, he still can’t stomach the idea of needing to go number 2 in a public bathroom while wearing one.
