Beloved Ballard music venue Tractor Tavern announced suddenly today that, due to popular involuntary rebrand, it’s officially changed its name to ‘That Beard Band Place.’
“There’s so few native Ballard and Seattle residents left, more people know us as ‘That Beard Band Place,’ now. We decided to just make it official,” said venue manager Kris Ogden. “We might as well: One time we had a completely shaved group up here playing and the crowd just walked out en masse telling us we had ‘lost our way.’”
The venue’s rebrand includes marketing weekly performance calendars by beard genre.
“There’s Patchy Face Pube Fridays, Civil War Era Beard Saturdays, Six-Inch Scraggle Sundays,” Ogden said. “And then, of course, Muttonchop Mondays, Tuesday’s Just Right Stubble Night, Hirsute Honeys Wednesdays, and Thirsty Milk-Encrusted-Beard Thursdays.”
Ogden confirmed that they would still book beardless woman-led bands as long as at least three band members don’t shave their armpits.
