Capitol Hill millennial Sandy Miller was allegedly denied entry into a Neumos Emo-Nite show tonight by what many say they can only describe as a feral mass of Gen Z dancers.
“I was about to walk in when I was accosted by countless wild grunge posers blocking my entrance with several aggressively well-coordinated TikTok dances—it was terrifying,” said Sandy, readjusting her hair’s side-part after one of the untamed attackers cruelly middle-parted it. “I can’t even. My feels are all over the place. It’s not fair – you guys can’t even focus on which decade you want to rip off for more than 30 days straight. And, some personal news: I liked emo first!”
The undomesticated 20-somethings said they were well within their rights at denying the high-key cheug entrance.
“She was given a thorough vibe check and immediately deemed both sus and extra,” said one Gen Z dancer with the thinnest glasses frames you’ve ever seen. “This Karen tried to cancel my mood near the door so I told her to take several seats while I had no choice but to bop her with my G.O.A.T.s no cap.”
At press time, Sandy was still attempting to enter Neumos by whipping out a bottle of poppers bought with her meager disposable income while threatening the Gen Zers to “let this e-girl thrive, fam” or “cash these hands outside.”
