Today local family The Harrisons basked in the glow of a Christmas Day so lovely, cozy and full of holiday cheer that it was nearly as satisfying as watching every clip of cars ricocheting off each other at this year’s Queen Anne Sedan Snow Slam.
“Is there anything better than your husband giving you diamond and pearl earrings while watching your kid unwrap presents?” said mother Rita Harrison, lounging happily in soft pajamas with a cup of warm cocoa in hand. “Well, yes, and that thing is watching countless cars pound the shit out of each other on every icy hill in Seattle. I don’t know why but I could seriously watch that on repeat til the end of time, never see my family again, and I would die a happy woman. Considering that is the only thing better than this year’s Christmas, I’d say today was pretty special.”
Rita’s husband Harold and son Raymond agreed that it’s a true testament to the success of the holiday spent with each other that it even held a candle to watching Midwesterners overestimate their winter driving skills.
“Man, Mom and Dad got me perfect presents this year – everything I needed and wanted all while making me feel so loved and back at home with all of our treasured holiday traditions,” said Raymond. “Being here surrounded by the people I love most can only be surpassed by listening to the crisp crunch of a cars chaotically careening into each other on an icy slope only a complete idiot would even attempt driving down. Considering Seattle’s back to being a relatively safe place to drive today, I’d say this Christmas was pretty amazing.”
At press time, Harold could not be reached for comment as he used his brand new phone and AirPods to watch ESPN’s analysis of the Queen Anne Sedan Snow Slam’s all-star highlights.
