In one of the most highly anticipated events of the season, local Greenwood resident Phil Smith’s holiday party this weekend is all set to celebrate the annual cleaning of his one-bedroom apartment.
“It’s that special time of year when I can share seeing more than a square foot of my living room carpet and kitchen countertop again with friends, family and neighbors,” said Smith, as he finally wiped up enough food splatters to remember his stove was is actually white, not orange. “It’ll be a shame after the holidays when I have to take all the clean surfaces back down under a sheet of Doordash-delivered fried chicken boxes and whatever spills out of my bedroom closet when I dare to open it again.”
Tara Franklin, a childhood friend of Phil, received a party invite last week asking guests to bring a white elephant gift and at least one over-the-top compliment about how nice the place looks.
“I plan on complimenting him on how shiny his kitchen counters are while also ignoring the splattered tomato sauce stains on his cabinets that will undoubtedly still be there since last year’s party,” said Franklin. “I may even throw in a ‘Wow Phil, I don’t know how you find the time to keep this place so sparkling clean! You are such a big boy now!’ Tis the season of giving, right?”
Smith confirmed that if his new girlfriend of 3 weeks comes to his party, he might also think about vacuuming or mopping, but definitely not both.
