Look, I’m all for reducing car usage and our carbon footprint by using public transit to help save the environment and slow the advance of a climate change apocalypse. But I absolutely refuse to do it unless that public transit option looks, sounds and feels like the adorable trolley from Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood. Here are 5 reasons why other public transit options like buses will never suffice:
- We need to kill more bicyclists: Hey, someone had to say it. The tracks laid down for current trolley-like Seattle streetcars have not killed or maimed nearly enough cyclists who’ve gotten their wheels stuck in them before having their bodies hurled into traffic. There’s only one way to do more of it without anyone caring, and that’s by approving more innocent-looking streetcars that look like something you once unwrapped as a kid on Christmas morning.
- A charming “Ding! Ding!” really takes the edge off of being stuck on a public transit route with no dedicated path or right-of-way: Most public transit routes here hardly move faster than regular car traffic, so I’m personally not riding any mode of public transit that doesn’t at least make me feel like I’m riding some sort of toy train I enjoyed when I was 6. Sure, being trapped on a dedicated rail path means even one stalled or improperly parked car literally stops the whole streetcar in its tracks for who the hell knows how long. But that’s just another exciting opportunity for the conductor to make it go “Ding! Ding!” even more. Fun! Do it again!
- Just because I’m ready to stop bragging about my Tesla doesn’t mean I’m about to start bragging about using a bus: Oh there’s nothing wrong with buses! Especially since King County already has modern, electric and zero-emission bus options. And they’re versatile enough to adapt to new routes. And shutting down roads to install expensive and lawsuit-prone rails aren’t necessary to create new routes. And RapidRide routes with relatively more dedicated lanes have worked pretty well. It’s just … I don’t know there’s something about them. Not enough choo choo ding ding to King Friday’s! Meh!
- Political cronies need more expensive, unpredictable, delay-prone contracts to make money off of: The SR 99 Tunnel is long finished and rich friends of local politicians need new, hefty government contract chew toys. Why would we simply expand current bus routes when we could instead go back to begging and overpaying that one weird Czech company to finish another super-delayed round of streetcars like last time? Now that was fun! Someone please take me back to the Neighborhood of Make-Believe These Streetcars Are Worth It.
- Vintage is always better. In the same way old-timey things like caucus voting no longer makes sense in modern society but are just kind of a cute thing to keep on doing anyway, streetcars even in mixed traffic routes are still just as delightful as ever. They’re vintage! It reminds us all of cuter, more innocent times when everything was better. Now how cute would a new Red Line Streetcar to Madrona be? #MakeSeattleFullOfStreetCarsAgain
