Experts are confirming that a man who was trapped inside his flaming Tesla today after an alleged self-driving malfunction was clearly just the latest pathetic attempt at trying to get Technoking CEO Elon Musk’s attention.
“Can you believe this guy? Pretending your Tesla is a volatile death machine just to get Elon’s attention is pretty desperate,” said fellow Tesla owner Brett Smith, rolling his eyes at the frantic man in the flaming Tesla. “Yeah, keep flailing bro, I’m sure Elon will reinstate your Twitter account any minute now. Look, now he’s inhaled a bunch of smoke, vomited all over the control panel and passed out on the steering wheel—you gotta give the guy some credit, he’s really committed to the bit.”
Smith also alleged a conspiracy might be to blame after hundreds of videos of Tesla owners intentionally placing themselves in harm’s way have conveniently appeared across the internet.
“These pathetic losers will do anything to make Elon look bad— just last week I saw a video of a Tesla owner whose ‘autopilot’ supposedly drove him into a lake and trapped him in there when the doors ‘wouldn’t open’,” said Smith. “I mean, what’s more likely: The world’s richest man would be so cutthroat he’d sell malfunctioning time bombs to the public, or hundreds of Teslas would conveniently suffer catastrophic failures in order to make Elon Musk look bad just as he’s on the cusp of saving free speech? Pretty obvious, bro.”
At press time, the world’s richest man and foremost authority in trapping people in enclosed spaces has proposed easing Seattle traffic with a bid to build a single-car Hyperloop tunnel inside the SR 99 tunnel.
