Hatred for Ticketmaster reached its highest levels yet today as thousands of avid Queen Anne Sedan Snow Slam fans struggled all day to get tickets to the city’s favorite annual event, most only to find out all shows had immediately sold out.
“$14,000 for nosebleeds in the Bayview Retirement Community balcony? You have to be kidding me,” said Blake Peters searching for any tickets still available after bots illegally bought up most of the stock during a pre-sale that opened up at 6 a.m. this morning. “That’s it—I’m flipping an entire backyard picnic chair over and setting it on fire right now.”
Front-row tickets at Caffé Ladro reportedly were already selling on ticket scalper websites this afternoon for as much as $45,000 a pop.
“I can’t tell you how frustrating this is to watch my fans writhe in pain at the thought of not getting to see me perform like this,” said Midwestern transplant star of the event, Toyota Camry driver Skylar Drift. “Seeing me overestimate my winter driving skills learned in flat-ass Kansas on a steep, 500-foot hill covered in ice before my car inevitably slams into a light pole is a joyous experience people at all economic levels should be able to witness.”
Although all shows through Monday seem to be sold out with Ticketmaster unwilling to clamp down on illegal ticket scalping, Drift said he’s hoping that by February feds begin cracking down on the company’s ticket monopoly and more winter weather creates an opening for more show tickets to be released in early 2023.
