In what many marijuana users described as “unsettling,” “demons play,” and “probably a trap,” Ballard budtender Chester Hedgerow has recently been causing a stir in the community by showing up to work wearing khakis and a tucked-in polo shirt.
“This guy gives me the willies,” whispered local reefer purveyor Esther Cusamano crouched behind the ATM with a $67 withdrawal fee. “I know weed is legal and all, but it feels like Chris Hansen is about to pop out from behind the counter and haul me off to jail. Frankly, it’s downright unprofessional to treat your customers this way. He was way too upbeat, tried to shake my hand, and didn’t say ‘my guy’ once.”
In addition to the litany of complaints about Hedgerow scaring the customers, many customers quibbled with the fact that an upbeat man in a polo shirt simply knows nothing about selling, smoking, or eating marijuana.
“He could be regional director of weed, but in that outfit, there’s no way I would trust his opinion on marijuana,” shared local drug enthusiast Oliver Hamm. “Jobs have uniforms. Would you actually listen to a plumber wearing cuff links and bow tie? What about a sommelier with a rat tail? You’re seriously saying you would be completely comfortable and trust the instincts of a pilot who has braces?”
At press time, one anonymous customer said they were doing their best to accept Hedgerow into the community despite his scary exterior.
“Although he’s a stop up from how things were pre-dispensary, I will give him points for not vaguely insinuating he might have a gun.”
