After firing half of his staff this week, Elon Musk announced today he’s using the social media company’s extra budget to tap former Seahawk and current Bronco quarterback Russell Wilson to be Twitter’s creative lead for Unintentionally Cringey Viral Content.
“Being in on the joke is so passé, lol,” said Musk in a statement. “That’s why today I’m investing in the future of Twitter and comedy itself by buying Russell Wilson out of his $20M cringe content contract with Subway for $22B so he can create cringey viral content for us exclusively. He begins this Sunday with whatever happens at the next Bronco’s game.”
In a viral TikTok and Instagram post that began with 30 seconds of inexplicably blinking at the camera smiling, Wilson confirmed his new role at Twitter.
“Whether it’s a post about me running up and down the aisle of an international flight doing high knees while my teammates sleep, prematurely coining a cocky catch phrase like “Let’s Ride” or soft porn with a sandwich named after me, I think I’m more than ready to join Twitter – let’s fly, my pretties!” Wilson said with a maniacal cackle followed by 15 seconds of silence. “I’m excited next week to facilitate a live stream of Tom Brady staring blankly at a wall trying to understand how he lost his entire $650 million investment in the FTX Crypto Exchange.”
In order to start keeping Twitter the world’s exclusive platform for cringey comedy, Musk has reportedly already sued NBC for asking Dave Chappelle to host SNL this weekend.
