Bravely rejecting mainstream and status quo forms of preserving democracy, today one local 24-year-old little shit who’s never had to worry about a pre-existing condition revealed today that voting is pointless.
“I hate the GOP, but Democrats have never done anything for me either,” said the white little turd who’s staying on their parents’ insurance until they’re 26 without lifting a fucking finger. “I don’t need to vote. I show up where it counts: social media. What scares Sen. Mitch McConnell and Rep. Kevin McCarthy way more than my vote are these viral memes and TikToks I share in my own digital echo chamber full of friends my age who also aren’t voting.”
The little shit’s peers in the 18-24 age group seem to agree as only 3% of them have voted in local mid-terms so far.
“Voting? Ew, that’s something the rich and powerful do consistently,” said the little shit’s friend, a 23-year-old frustrating little fucker who would already be making child-support payments without his previous girlfriends’ reproductive rights. “The best way to fight power is to give up my own and then complain about how I have even less power afterward. It’s called learned helplessness, look it up. The GOP’s efforts to restrict voting are just a reverse psychology ploy to get me to vote that I’m too clever to fall for.”
Meanwhile, one local 22-year-old little hot-shot said that even if most of her age group still doesn’t know what a pre-existing condition is, they do know how real the dismantling of Roe vs. Wade is now.
“I’m spending all night cramming for these mid-terms, and I’ll turn my multiple-choice sheet in a minute before the deadline tomorrow, I swear,” she said.
At press time, the little shit whose mother wouldn’t be alive today without the Affordable Care Act said the main reason he’s not voting on this fall’s ballot that includes voting for ranked choice voting is that there’s no ranked choice voting yet.
