After facing staff shortages and a string of recent ferry crashes, today WSDOT finally announced plans to prevent future collisions caused by inexperienced captains with new “student driver” stickers stamped on the backs of all ferries.
“I’m not even sure how I got this job,” said new Wenatchee ferry captain Joe Clark, narrowly missing his turn for Bainbridge Island. “I guess one of their recruiters saw me run a red light and decided I had a real talent for this stuff. As long as the ferry I’m sailing has that sticker on it, though, everyone should be safe if I crash into something.”
Clark was later placed on probation after attempting to do doughnuts on the Puget Sound while blaring The Lonely Island’s “I’m on a boat” over the ferry’s loudspeaker.
“These new drivers are such a nuisance,” said sailboat owner Robert Windsor. “It shouldn’t be possible to tailgate someone on water this big, yet here we are. As soon as I see those big yellow stickers, I always give them a wide berth.”
At press time, WSDOT said it is doing everything it can to find and train more ferry captains who can at least once parallel park a ferry between piers without even using mirrors.
