Woodland Park Zoo has issued an apology today after heavy metal pioneer Ozzy Osbourne was caught trying to eat several bats housed in the nocturnal exhibit during his performance at the ZooTunes concert series.
“We are so sorry, we turned our backs for one second and next thing you know he’s got a fruit bat hanging out of his mouth trying to start the next pandemic,” said ZooTunes organizer Kathleen Perkins. “Of course we know Ozzy’s reputation, but he’s like a hundred years old and moves like one of the animatronic musicians at Chuck E. Cheese. We never thought he’d actually be able to get a hold of one of the bats! We’re just grateful that at his age he was just sort of gumming at the bat for a while until it flew off. Other than that? Great show, Ozzy’s still the man.”
Despite the aging rocker’s attempt to nosh on a furry midnight snack, concertgoers were thrilled to see the hellraiser flying high again.
“Ozzy is a legend dude—you haven’t seen a mosh pit until you’ve seen the chimpanzees go apeshit live during War Pigs,” said longtime Black Sabbath fan Dustin Gross. “I thought a concert at the zoo was going to be lame, but hearing the wolves lose their minds during Bark at the Moon was sick. If we gotta lose a couple sky rats to make it happen, I say line up the all you can eat bat-ffet!”
Needling reporters reached out to The Prince of Darkness himself for comment, but were unable to understand his response.
At press time, Woodland Park Zoo had successfully redirected Osbourne after the show to redeem himself on social media by biting the heads off anyone still following Dan Price.
