Supersonics fans throughout the Seattle area rejoiced today upon hearing legendary basketball team mascot Squatch has been added to the Woodland Park Zoo’s prestigious All-Star Zoo Doo line-up this year.
“I’ve been practicing all year taking giant dumps on blown-up photos of Howard Schultz’s face and I think I’m ready,” Squatch said through an interpreter. “I think my shit can definitely stand up to that of other storied Zoo Doo all-stars like zebra, giraffe and maybe even hippo.”
Season compost bag holders say they can’t wait to see Squatch’s compost in action.
“I could really use the refuse of a mythological being to work some magic on my garden,” said Heather Nelson. “Because forking out $800 alone sure didn’t do it. Shit better work.”
At press time, rumors are floating that by the Zoo Doo pickup event later this month, Woodland Park may also sign the Fremont Troll and, if he’s depressed and emotionally eating enough, Mariner Moose.
